I stopped going to church
I, who was born and raised in the house of God
I, who went to Sunday school every single Sunday when I was little
I, who led the recitation of scriptures on Children’s day and was always active in church
I, whose parents made sure I never missed church service
I stopped going to church
It started with me just feeling like not going
Sunday after Sunday, I chose my feelings rather that what I knew was right
Then it graduated to me using work as an excuse.
Each Sunday, I chose the excuse of work, rather than being in the house of God
As if those three hours in church were going to prevent me from achieving my career goals
One Sunday became two
Two Sundays became two months and just like that, a year came
A year where I had not stepped in church
A year where going to church felt like a chore
A year where ‘church people’ became too nosy for me
I had stopped going to church and it started because I didn’t feel like it
Covid came and that gave me more ammunition
It became worse and my initial guilt started seeping away
However, there was a gaping hole in my life
And it became pronounced day after day
Around that time, online services became a thing
“I will join online services”, I said
I joined the first one and found it too boring
Joined another church and found them too loud
Joined a third church and found them too spiritual
In three months, I had joined over 5 churches
But gave excuses for not going back to any of them
I know not why
Was it because I had not been in church for a while
Or I just was finding another excuse to miss another year of church
I did give up on that after a while
But one thing was certain
There was a big hole and I was looking for something or someone to fill it.
I stopped going to church and as you can imagine, I stopped reading my Bible
Bible who? Bible what? Bible how? Bible where?
I was too busy, too out of touch with being a Christian, to care about spending some time in the word.
I prayed occasionally but that even felt like a chore, a box ticking exercise
Without any of this, my life began to go in another direction
A direction where everything I had known to be wrong started feeling right
Where I accepted and started surrounding myself with people whom I knew I had no business being friends with
I moved from observing the wrong things being done
To not seeing what was wrong with them and eventually found myself doing them
At this point you could tell me nothing
I was always right and everyone around me was wrong
My choices were the best, and everyone else was archaic
To those around me, my usual remark was:
“What do you even know?”,
“Who do you think you are?”
“Why are you even interested in my life?”
Because I just wanted everyone off my back
While my day was busy with so much activity
At night, I went back home to emptiness
And was surrounded by one problem after another
The gaping hole was still not being filled, even with the many things I tried
Then this happened
I don’t know how I ended up in a particular church this one Sunday
I honestly don’t even remember
All I know is that I ended up there a year after the lockdown
And my life has never been the same
As I entered the church I began to feel at home
I found a seat and just then, the Pastor started preaching
It felt like he was speaking directly to me
It felt like God was speaking directly to me
Welcoming me back home.
Letting me know that this is where I belonged
Basically, telling me that regardless of where I had been and what I had done, His love was more than all that
That God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us
That God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son
That whosoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life
This was not news to me, because I had heard this growing up.
But I don’t think I believed it or truly understood it until now
It was like a re-awaking, an enlightenment, an eye opener
I just saw a whole side of this Christianity thing as I finally went to church
I went to church, and I saw the love of God like never before
I was led there because God loved me and wanted me back home
He loved me even after all I had done and who I had being
He loved me regardless of all my flaws and
He wanted me to be His child in truth
Because to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God
A right to be an Heir of God and joint heir with Christ
Filled with the Holy Spirit and being led by him
The gaping hole I initially felt became filled with the love of God
My life made more sense and church became one of my favourite places
No more a chore or a box ticking exercise
But a place to share the love of God with other believers
A place to meet like-minded believers to do life with and be accountable to and with
A place to hear God’s word and be taught God’s word
A place to worship, serve God and experience His love over and over again.
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The is about the redemptive love of God. We all may have found our selves at one of these places in our lives but God wants us home. We are not meant to do life alone. As Christians, church is where we are built up and where we gradually learn to build others up, to worship and serve God. You may be a spiritual giant in your closet but it is still important that you find a bible believing, Holy Spirit filled church to attend consistently. When we start slipping, it usually starts with us not going to church and then one thing leads to another. Please make it a point to always be found in God’s house. I know life get’s busy and stressful but being in the house of God always helps.
I can really resonate with you story, Enid especially at a certain point in my life💕
God’s love is truly redemptive & church is forever home no matter.
Thanks for being vulnérable with us.
Church kept us then and is still keeping us now. The difference is that now, we have settled in our spirit to love church, not out of compulsion like in the past. Nothing compares to finding fulfilment in God's presence - Psalm 96:6!
Nice piece,so overwhelmed
Wow! This is really amazing.
Interestingly this is happening to a lot of people out there, I pray they find themselves in the right church at the right time.
God bless you for this write up